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Daniel, unplugging the phone, creeping next door and ringtone for cingular com plugging it in again only to ringtone for cingular com find my mother had not noticed my absence for ringtone for cingular com the last two and ringtone for cingular com a half minutes and ringtone for cingular com was still talking. ' . . . So what do you think, darling?' 'Um, I don't know. I was bringing the phone into the other room like I said,' I said. 'Ah. So you didn't hear anything?' 'No.' There was a slight pause. 'Oh, hello, darling, guess what?' Sometimes I think my mother is ringtone for cingular com part of ringtone for cingular com the modern world and ringtone for cingular com sometimes she seems a million miles away. Like when she leaves messages on my answerphone which just say, very loudly and ringtone for cingular com clearly, 'Bridget Jones's ringtone for cingular com Oh, hello, darling, guess what?' she said, again. 'What?' I said resignedly. 'Una and ringtone for cingular com Geoffrey are having a Tarts and ringtone for cingular com Vicars party in the garden on the twenty-ninth of ringtone for cingular com July. Don't you thin that's fun! Tarts and ringtone for cingular com Vicars! Imagine!' I tried hard not to, fighting off a vision of ringtone for cingular com Una Alconbury in thigh boots, fishnet nights and ringtone for cingular com a peephole bra. For sixty-year-olds to ringtone for cingular com organize such an event seemed unnatural and ringtone for cingular com wrong. 'Anyway, we thought it would be ringtone for cingular com super if you ringtone for cingular com - coy, loaded pause - 'Daniel, could come. We're all dying to ringtone for cingular com meet him.' My heart sank at ringtone for cingular com the thought of ringtone for cingular com my relationship with Daniel being dissected in dose and ringtone for cingular com intimate detail amongst the Lifeboat luncheons of ringtone for cingular com Northamptonshire. 'I don't think it's really Daniel's - ' Just as I said that the chair I had, for ringtone for cingular com some reason, been balancing on with my knees while I leaned over the table fell over with a crash. When I retrieved the phone my mother ringtone for cingular com still talking. 'Yes, super. Mark Darcy's going to ringtone for cingular com be ringtone for cingular com there, apparently, with someone, so ringtone for cingular com . . ' 'What's going on?' Daniel was standing stark naked in the doorway. 'Who are you ringtone for cingular com to?' 'My mother,' I said, desperately, out of ringtone for cingular com the corner of ringtone for cingular com my mouth. 'Give it to ringtone for cingular com me,' he said, taking the phone. I like it when he is ringtone for cingular com authoritative without being cross like this. 'Mrs Jones,' he said, in his most charming voice. It's Daniel here.' I could practically hear her going all fluttery. 'This is ringtone for cingular com very bright and ringtone for cingular com early on a Sunday morning for ringtone for cingular com a phone call. Yes, it is ringtone for cingular com an absolutely beautiful day. What can we do for ringtone for cingular com you?' He looked at ringtone for cingular com me while she chattered for ringtone for cingular com a few seconds then turned back to ringtone for cingular com the receiver. 'Well, that'll be ringtone for cingular com lovely. I shall put that in the diary for ringtone for cingular com the twenty-ninth and ringtone for cingular com ringtone for cingular com out my dog collar. Now, we'd better get back and ringtone for cingular com catch up on our sleep. You take care of ringtone for cingular com yourself, now. Cheerio. Yes. Cheerio,' he said firmly, and ringtone for cingular com put the phone down. 'You see,' he said smugly, 'a firm hand, that's all it needs.' 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He really minded about not hurting your feelings he'd just shut up and ringtone for cingular com come to ringtone for cingular com the party on his own instead of ringtone for cingular com waving his stupid date under your nose.' ''Friends?' Pah! The ringtone for cingular com Enemy more like!' I shouted happily, tucking into another Silk Cut and ringtone for cingular com a couple of ringtone for cingular com salmon pinwheels. 'Bastard!' By 11:30 Sharon was in full and ringtone for cingular com splendid auto-rant. 'Ten years ago people who cared about the environment were laughed at ringtone for cingular com as sandal-wearing beardy-weirdies and ringtone for cingular com now look at ringtone for cingular com the power of ringtone for cingular com the green consumer,' she was shouting, sticking her fingers into the tiramisu and ringtone for cingular com transferring it straight into her mouth. 'In years ahead the same will come to ringtone for cingular com pass with feminism. There won't be ringtone for cingular com any men leaving their families and ringtone for cingular com postmenopausal wives for ringtone for cingular com young mistresses, or trying to ringtone for cingular com chat women up by showing off in a patronizing way about all the other women throwing themselves at them, or trying to have sex with.The skirt-health summit, like you said.' The second I put the phone down I realized it was an emergency and rang Tom, who calmly said leave it to him: if he made several calls to the machine he could find the code which would let him play back and erase the message. Eventually he thought he'd cracked it, but unfortunately Daniel then answered the phone. Instead of saying, 'Sorry, wrong number,' Tom hung up. So now Daniel not only has the insane message but will think it's me who's rung his answerphone fourteen times this evening and then, when I did get hold of him, banged the phone down. Tuesday 10 January 9st 1, alcohol units 2, cigarettes 6, calories 998 (excellent, v.g. perfect saint-style person). Slunk into the office crippled with embarrassment about the message. 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